Being successful has a great deal to do with having your ducks in a row – or being congruent.
At a meeting recently, one of the organizers explained how networking helped him go from redundancy to a lucrative business that he loved in less than two years. I could see why: there was something about him that made me want to give him business.
He was congruent, that state when what you do, say and believe are all aligned. Congruence is a sort of deep honesty about who you are and it’s immensely attractive to other people, drawing them to you.
When I stopped working in law enforcement and set out to create my speaking business, I thought I needed to master sales and marketing. After all, every successful business owner needs these skills, right? Relationship building can only get you so far. Or so I thought.
But whenever I found myself in the business section of a bookshop, looking at the latest bestsellers on how to make sales easy, I felt slightly queasy. Still, I bought several sales and marketing books over the course of a year or two (I can be a slow learner).
I assumed I felt queasy because I should enjoy reading about new techniques. Then one day as I was walking towards the business section and starting to feel nauseous, a thought flashed into my mind: “What if my body is trying to tell me to stop doing this to myself?”
What a revelation!
I stopped, turned on my heel and spent an enjoyable hour in the fiction section. When I got back to my office, I took all the sales books sitting unread on my shelf and gave them away. I felt amazing.
Our feelings can be a valuable source of information for decision-making, direction-setting and recognizing when we are out of congruence with who we are and what we believe.
Personal congruence leads to internal harmony. It enables a person to be at peace with their life’s direction and purpose. This sense of ease just seems to permeate everything a congruent person meets.
Without congruence, a person is left feeling conflicted, confused and unfulfilled. To others, incongruence can appear as agitation, insecurity, difficulty and impatience.
We’re all unconsciously attracted to congruence.
Customers buy from congruent salesmen. We’re inspired by congruent leaders. Women fall in love with congruent men.
So if you are feeling the need to start embracing a more congruent life, you can begin by identifying your values and honouring them.
Your values are what’s important – helping others, security, freedom, learning, love, family, contribution, etc. You may know some of these already, while others may take some discovering. One way to find out what you value is to identify something you really want, then ask: What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?
When you get the answer, ask it again. For example:
Q: What do I want?
A: A profitable speaking business.
Q: What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?
A: Work I love doing while earning a good living.
Q: What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?
A: Freedom.
When you go as far as you can, you’ll end up with a core value: something that’s really important to you.
Then you need to pay attention to your body.
The human condition has developed over thousands of years to provide you with unerring feedback about congruence.
When you thank someone for a gift you don’t like, saying how lovely it is, that uncomfortable feeling in your body is incongruence – a signal that you’re out of tune.
When you have a deep sense of peace and joy, that’s a sign that you’re aligned and going in the right direction.
One way to achieve greater congruence is to eliminate all activities that lead to incongruence.
The fast track is to do more of what you love.
When you engage in tasks and activities that you love and let go of everything else, you get to spend more and more time experiencing joy. As well as being great fun, this is also highly attractive – people really like to be around someone who’s doing what they feel passionate about and living a congruent life.
Someone who has all their ducks in a row.
Troy Media columnist Faith Wood is a novelist and professional speaker who focuses on helping groups and individuals navigate conflict, shift perceptions and improve communications.
The views, opinions and positions expressed by columnists and contributors are the author’s alone. They do not inherently or expressly reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of our publication.
